Sunday, 9 June 2013

Hide and seek

Sometimes I just feel like I am making a complete mess of my entire life. That I'm wasting opportunities and being a coward and hiding, always fucking hiding.

I'm pretty well-practiced in keeping secrets, but it never stops being lonely. The loneliest part is... I don't really want to keep most of them anymore.

But who do I tell?

Who do I force to react to my confessions?

Who do I trust not to change their opinion of me?

Who could I stand to lose if their reaction was worse than I anticipated?

I am a fucking mess, and I am still so, so reluctant to make anyone else deal with my shit. Why should they care anyway? Why should they care about my sexual orientation, my religious beliefs, my mental history? Why should they care who I loved, who I want, who I'm sleeping with?

Why do I think they'll judge me?

Why should I care if they do?

Of course, the answer is obvious.

I'm still fucking terrified of being abandoned by everyone I care about.

No comments:

Post a Comment