I could write a lengthy post detailing how shitty the past few days have been, and how much I have loathed myself, and how much my mental states have terrified me.
But screw that. That's enough. I'm am so utterly through will all this bollocks.
I am an adult. I am the only one who can sort out my pathetic little life. I am the only one who can implement change. I am the only one who can take back control.
I think I've been hoping for someone to notice, I mean really notice, me- someone who'd break me down to my deepest core and barest bones and then put me back together again. I've been hoping for someone who'd turn my world upside down, make me see everything, especially myself, in a new way. I've been hoping for all the things that I've been craving for years upon years, all the things that only seem to happen to other people.
But the thing is... hope doesn't last forever.
I think I hope for too much. I don't think I should fling myself the other way, into despair. But I do think I need to face the facts.
This is my life. This is the way it is. I can't spend it waiting for things to change, I can't spend it hoping. I need to grow up, to solve my own little problems, to fix my own little broken brain, to just get on with it. I've had enough of being this way.