Well, this is new.

I still don't know exactly what's going on, and it might be nothing.

But even if it is, I still feel happier and more hopeful and more alive right now than I have in a long time.

I need to be brave, and I think I can be.

I can be.

Step by step...

Yesterday, I didn't hurt myself, even though I desperately wanted to. Yesterday, I didn't starve or binge, even though I could have. Yesterday, I didn't put myself in danger, even though I was longing for it.

A lot of things were not so good yesterday. But I managed those things.

So long as I can do that again today, everything is going to be okay. And I can.

I am losing my mind.

I honestly think I have driven myself insane. I have meticulously destroyed any shred of normality in my brain. I have turned every facet of behaviour into disorder. I have poisoned every part of myself that I ever had the slightest affection for. I have become an obnoxious, selfish, hideous, warped... thing.

I think maybe this is what a breakdown feels like. I am tired. I am so tired.

I can't do this.